A few nights ago, I had a conversation that made me think a lot about divorce and its effect on family relationships. It was a tough and teary talk with one of my kids; it was also very good – we talked about some pretty heavy “stuff.” I absolutely can’t and won’t share the details.
What I can, and will say is that divorce is tough on kids – no matter how old they are. The healing process takes time and sometimes lingers too long. From my point of view, this largely depends on how each parent handles it.
Just like any wound, the deeper the cut, the longer it takes to heal and the process hinges on how well the wound is cared for. In a divorce, a child’s healing is highly dependent on the actions of their parents.
Each person in the relationship has to own their actions and contributions to the breakdown of the marriage – it can’t be a blame game. Each parent has the opportunity, responsibility and privilege of continuing to nurture and develop a meaningful and positive relationship with their children.
I’m not a poet, but here are my thoughts after the conversation and listening to, and feeling the pain my child was experiencing as though it was my own.
I cannot fix it.
It’s not mine to fix.
I cannot resolve it.
It’s not my dispute.
I cannot heal it.
It’s not my wound.
I cannot forget it.
It’s my child that hurts.
It’s not mine to reconcile.
But I can listen and I can love.
I am here to
cry with them
be angry with them
laugh with them
hold them close
We have a bond, my children and me.
We’ve made it through dark storms and into bright skies.
Sometimes grey clouds still cast a shadow over our light, but they won’t and don’t prevail.
We have a special bond, my children and me.